[ONE SHOT] When You`re Gone HYUNSAENG.

youngsaeng

Kim Hyun Joong

It was a solemn one.
Her funeral was a solemn one.
We all thought it was weird to give such a lively person a solemn funeral, but that was what we agreed on.
It was so bittersweet.
We all saw YoungSaeng hyung teared, and the rest of them were crying buckets.
I did not cry.
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Year 2008.
When you first came, I thought of running away, but I abolished my plans because… I had nowhere to go. But now, I’m telling you, I’m glad I did not run away, because if I did, I won’t be able to feel so blissful now.
Sorry for thinking you weren’t as great as Yuki, but I guess it was what made us closer in the end. I didn’t know you needed a job desperately… and you have no choice but to come to us. Hey, I’m sorry for wronging you then.
But I’m glad I realize the mistake as soon as I found out. I never had a chance to say sorry, for all that I’ve done to you, but I know you won’t mind. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever knew. I called you a jinx, but you smiled back and said…
“Hey, sorry for coming into your life, I have my reasons for doing so, and dinner’s ready.”
I remembered I refuse to have dinner that night, because I wanted to show the hyungs I can do it alone, and I refuse to comply… It was stubborn of me I know. But you never blamed me.
Hey, if it meant anything to you, your Vegrot-tato is the best in the world, and I’d do anything to eat it again… you know, they say it’s too late to regret… but SoMin, I’ve never regretted knowing you.
I have to admit… the cliché lines of proposal… were taught by JungMin hyung, I guess you already figured that out huh? You’re a smart girl, and I’ve never doubt that. Do you know… how happy I was, when you nodded your head? It was a slight nod, but it was nod to our happiness, our love, our trust for each other. Of course I knew of our feelings, they were too strong for me to even push it away baby.
06/11/09 was the happiest day in my life; I’ve never felt any happier than that day. It was official, you came into my life that day, you became Mrs Kim HyungJun that day, you were mine that day… the ceremony was simple, and yet it proves the love we wanted.
We both wanted a simple relationship don’t we? I apologize for making you marry me too. You were only 19. You had so much more to do in your life, and yet you chose to marry me, so what are you apologizing for baby? I should be the one that’s sorry.
I have to apologize for a million things baby. I’m sorry for not realizing… I’m sorry for not being able to be a good husband… I’m sorry for letting you suffer alone… I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me most… I’m sorry for everything baby, but I’m not sorry for our love.
You know what KiBum always tells me? He said you’re the kindest person he ever knew… and it’s not everyday he praise someone. You know what I replied him?
I said: “Hey, she’s your sister-in-law and my wife, of course.”
I love to admit you’re my wife, you know I really want to show you off to the world.
Honeymoon was short, it was one day. But I’ve never felt any luckier in my life. While touring Europe, I had to carry you on my back because you were too weak to walk, I actually like that, you know? I’ve always liked you on my back, and us just walking along the streets…
No paparazzi, no reporters, no fans, just me and you, just you, SoMin.
You know, you really make a big impact on my life, I’ve told you this and I’m gonna tell you again; I’ve never regretted slipping that ring into your finger. We were meant for forever, baby.
I miss you. I’ve really missed you; life isn’t the same without you anymore.
You know, we were only married for four days. But I felt that, these four days is gonna last me a life time, I just know it baby.
Remember I said I promise to divorce you if we’re gonna argue like that everyday?
I remember it so clearly. I’m gonna divorce you and marry you again, I could do this for a lifetime, really. You just matter so much baby and you know it.
You told me to go to work.
I left home, but I never left for DSP. I was waiting outside the house… I was waiting to see you…
You know how I felt when you gave me the last kiss that morning? I felt blessed. I said my prayers silently; I thank God for your presence. I said…
“This woman had changed me. She’s meant for me, thank you God, and thank you for putting her in my heart.”
I hope you see this and tell that to God if you see him, tell him I’m grateful.
YoungSaeng hyung cried, he’s no longer tearing up… he’s crying buckets now. He misses you baby, everyone misses you… he told me to tell you that… you’ll never be bad at Math already, because you added the happiness in us, minus the miseries, divided the woes and mutiply our smiles. Baby, you see? You have such great impact. He said he’d teach you all over again if he have to and he’ll never forget you.
JungMin hyung refuses to speak to anyone. Manager hyung gave us breaks to let us cool down, and for 5days… he refused to come out of his room. Baby you know, he hardly does this, he’s not talking to anyone… JungMin hyung is silence… baby he misses you terribly. He burnt all his eye patches; he burnt his musical pictures, because he said it hurts to be reminded of you.
What a silly guy he is huh? He wants every fan to call him JungMal now. Haha baby, you know how he hates being call JungMal right? This guy here is contradicting himself, as usual, but this time he does it for you.
Hazel and KyuJong… they couldn’t believe it when I told them the news… they said it was impossible…
Baby, how much I wished it was really impossible…
He went to the beach everyday, with Hazel after coming back from Hawaii… he kept shouting for you… he said he enjoyed Hawaii and he brought the straw hat you really wanted… Baby why didn’t you tell me you wanted a straw hat…?Anyway the straw hat comes with this letter.
It was hard to fit in the big bear, so we thought of another way, we burnt it. Baby, I hope you got it.
HyunJoong, HyunJoong hyung took the longest time to get over it. He did not drop a tear when you left… he just left Korea for a day and came back…
He said he went to look for light bulbs in Japan. I don’t know why, you should know right? You guys shared every secret, and I was jealous, wait. I’m still jealous…
You should be chuckling by now huh?
He really told Andre Kim what you said… and Mr. Kim made a shirt just for you, just for you baby. It’ll be with you soon.
You’ve given me a lot, and I couldn’t repay you. I go to the church every Sunday, just to give thanks, now I have an extra reason to go to church, because I wanted to speak to you baby.
I really miss you…
Anyway, I was outside the house that day. You came out shortly, and you wore the sundress I got you. Thank you; because you said it was ugly and you’re never gonna wear it.
Thank you for wearing it in the end.
I left when I saw you getting into Jiyong hyung’s car. I knew what you were doing; you wanted to spend your last with him. And I knew why you didn’t want to spend your last with me.
Because you were afraid to let go…
But I guess Jiyong hyung gave you the courage huh?
I’m gonna thank him for appearing in your life, because if not for him, I’d not meet you.
Baby, happy birthday.
It’s the 2nd year you’ve left… and we’re all doing great, you must have saw huh?
Its 2011 now, if the scientists are right, the world’s gonna end at 2012, then I’m more than happy for the New Year.
Because… I’m seeing you soon baby, aren’t you excited?
I am.
It took me 2 years to get over your death.
Do you know how much I pray, just for you to enter my dreams and tell me you love me…?
That’s one line that I know I’ll never hear again.
1 year ago… I went to Europe myself, everything was the same… Hitler was still sexier than you… Haha baby, it’s this small details that make me smile.
I toured Europe in a day… I went to all the places we went before… it was the same baby, because I know you’re with me.
You always are.
I just wanna say… thank you for giving me the happiest moments in my life.
You’re right… someday… we’ll meet again and I know it’s coming, I’m meeting you soon.
Kim SoMin, I love you and will always do.
Till I see you again, baby.
Kim HyungJun.
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I’ve never drop a tear since she’s gone because I know she don’t want me to.
With that, I folded that paper into a crane, and burnt it.
Together with KyuJong’s straw hat, and the shirt Mr. Kim made…
I smiled, and gave the members a thumbs up, they all ran towards the fire and we all prayed in silent…
You were such an angel and you deserve all this…